Looking After Yourself After Sexual Violence

Common Thoughts And Feelings

After sexual violence, people react in many different ways, and there is no "right" way to feel. Whatever happened, and whatever you did or didn't do, you are not to blame. Your reactions are a normal response to something that was not normal.

What you might be feeling

You might notice some of these, all of them, or none. They can come and go, and can show up days, months or even years later.

• shock, numbness, or feeling switched off
• fear, feeling jumpy, or being constantly on guard
• anger, sadness, guilt or shame, and blaming yourself
• flashbacks, intrusive memories or nightmares
• trouble sleeping, eating or concentrating
• feeling disconnected from yourself or what is around you
• changes in how you feel about sex, closeness or trust

It is common to have some of these in the first few weeks and if they last longer, or get in the way of your life, help is available.

Small Things That Can Help

Self-care doesn't mean doing everything, just what feels manageable for you.

Ground yourself

If you feel overwhelmed, panicky or far away from yourself, grounding exercises can bring you back to the here and now. Try the exercise below.

Protect your sleep

Sleep somewhere you feel safe. A dark room or a night light, whichever feels better. Wind down before bed, go when you feel ready, and remember alcohol can disrupt sleep.

Look after your body

Eat regularly, get fresh air and move gently if you can. A GP, sexual health clinic, SARC or A&E can check for injury, infection or pregnancy, whenever it happened.

Reach out, at your pace

Talk to someone you trust when you feel ready. You never have to share details. Peer support and specialist services can help if friends and family don't feel right.

Be kind to your thoughts

Self-blame is a common reaction to trauma. It is not the truth. Try saying to yourself what you would say to a friend.

Take time out

Sexual violence is often in the news and online. You are allowed to mute, unfollow, or step away from conversations and content that upset you.

Try this: five senses grounding

Slowly look around and name:

• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you can feel (your clothes, the chair, your feet on the floor)
• 3 things you can hear
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste

Breathe slowly as you go. You can also rest your hands on your stomach and watch them rise and fall. A comfort box can help too: something to smell, touch, taste or listen to, like a soft blanket, a scent you like or a favourite song.

If you are relying on alcohol, drugs or self-harm to cope

Many people find themselves doing this, and it doesn't mean you are weak. Alcohol and drugs can numb difficult feelings for a while but often make sleep, mood and anxiety harder. If you are having urges to hurt yourself, you deserve support rather than coping alone. Grounding exercises can help you through a difficult moment, and the Samaritans (116 123), 1312 Outreach (for drug and alcohol) your GP, Rape Crisis or your SVLO can help you access specialist services.

When to get extra help

See your GP if reactions like flashbacks, nightmares, feeling constantly on edge, avoiding reminders or low mood:

• last longer than about one month, or
• are making it hard to study, work, sleep or get through your day.

You can also go sooner. You don't need to wait. NICE recommends trauma-focused therapies, such as trauma-focused CBT or EMDR, as first-line treatment for PTSD, and they can work even years after what happened. In England you can often refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies.

Who can support you

At the University of Derby

National and 24/7 support

FAQs